Confession time.

I’ve been thinking a lot about value lately, ever since I took my “Reading the Akashic Records” class. Value is something that is a bit sticky for me on a soul level; I was born with Chiron in Taurus in the 4th after all. And I’ve been using the Records to explore my own issues with value and self worth, feeling like I’ve spent the last couple of weeks picking at a psychic scab. Maybe it’s the planets in early Cancer, the Saturn/Neptune trine, the eclipses, or the Neptune station, but — and let’s be blunt here — shit is raw right now.

I had a client yesterday tell me she had wasted money on me when she didn’t like the response to her question. This obviously touched a chord in me and it’s funny how one negative response can overshadow a hundred glowing reviews. The feeling that bubbles up during these sort of situations is multifaceted, ranging from “why bother, I give up” to “why don’t you see the value in what I do?”

So naturally I consulted my Akashic Records.

The first image that came up when I explored for past life connections to this emotional energy was that of an apprentice to an artisan or some sort of craftsman. I got the sense of an adolescent who was quite gifted at whatever art he was being trained in and was probably of greater talent to his teacher and master. It felt like the master would routinely humiliate and destroy the apprentice’s creations because they were worthless. Who would want such garbage?

The truth was that the adolescent had unwittingly dared to be greater than his master, who in turn criticized and destroyed out of his own insecurity. The painful lesson the boy learned was don’t be good at what you do, don’t share your gifts with the world as they will only be destroyed. I got the sense that the boy left his apprenticeship and never again created artwork. There was a huge amount of heartbreak and regret in that life.

The other image that came up was that of a noose. I could feel the coarse fibers of the rope. From there I got the sense of a man on a scaffold with a noose around his neck, looking out into a small crowd. He seemed resigned to his fate and filled with a deep, bitter sense of disappointment. Why bother, he thought. Why bother if this is what it leads to.

The soul energy felt stuck, like he hadn’t crossed over. It was if he was thinking, how could there could be a heaven if this sort of thing was permitted on earth? I brought him into my heart for clearing and I opened up the light for him. After some encouragement, I got him to go through. I felt him surrounded by the support that he had been denied. In the light he was reconnected with his faith and saw that there was indeed good in this world.

So if things are raw in your life right now, know that, as mentioned in a previous update, we’re in an auspicious time to clear a lot of emotional energy (Grand Water Trine) and open up the heart chakra further. You don’t have to use the Akashic Records, but this is one of the tools I’m using at present in addition to astrology. Just allow yourself to be emotionally present right now. Sit in your heart space, even when it’s raw and easier to shut down. Connect with the energy of the Divine Mother and allow her to support you during this transition.