Confession time, astrology style.
I come from a family that is not physically demonstrative. Hugging and other spontaneous forms of physical affection is something I taught myself slowly and awkwardly. I’m still a little weird around overly touchy-feely people, as if they are some alien tribe determined to test my boundaries, but this is my issue and I’m working on it.
One of the ways this manifests in my natal chart is Chiron in Taurus in the 4th House. Chiron is the core wounding. Call it karma or improper childhood programming, but Chiron is a point in our chart where we’re deeply sensitive about an inadequacy or perceived lack. It gnaws as us unconsciously until a transit brings it to light and we realize just how much the wound was a filter for experience.
In my case, Chiron in the 4th house shows the wound expressed through the mother/family/nurturing, perhaps even ancestral. Chiron in Taurus? There’s a need to heal improper programming regarding touch, sensuality, worth, and values. Taurus is a physical sign and deals with the body — how we view the body, how we treat the body, how we feed the body, how we gather soft things for the body to enjoy. Remember when I said my family wasn’t very emotionally demonstrative? It’s there, written in the stars.
Make no mistake, Chiron will take you to the deepest parts of your psyche, much like Pluto will, but without the horror show and scary music. As transiting Jupiter approaches my natal Chiron in Taurus, I’ve become hyperaware of my chironic wounds. Jupiter expands; The healing journey seems overwhelming. And while it expands the wound, it also expands awareness of available options to heal it, especially aided by transiting Pluto trine my Chiron. (Cue scary music.)
Despite the fact I’m an astrologer, I was amazed to realize how literal this transit has been manifesting in my life. A lot of core level issues have come up for examination and I’ve been prompted by this discomfort to explore all avenues towards healing. One such avenue was a lecture and workshop conducted by Inna Segal, an Australian healer and author who wrote The Secret Language of Your Body: The Essential Guide to Health and Wellness.
Segal spoke to a group of 20 people recently at the Sacred Center New York, one of those events that found myself attending on a whim because it seemed like a good idea. Having not read her book, I was instead drawn to our shared idea that we are our best healers and that the body will tell you what is wrong with it if you listen.
I was ready to listen.
Engaging and funny, Segal taught of divine intelligence, synchronicity, and how illness and ailments show where we are out of alignment with body’s natural truth. She also made pop culture references to highlight that healing work can be fun and should be fun.
“How will Lady Gaga heal you?” Segal asked, turning on a stereo behind the podium in our 19th Century church surroundings. We all stood up from our pews, shook out our hands rhythmically, and moved our hips to the song Born This Way. The dance beat filled up the church as much as our flailing limbs; energy swirled out of our formerly stiff bodies. How very Chiron in Taurus.
Did I feel self conscious dancing in front of a room of strangers? Yes. Did I feel like I was moving stagnant energy from old wounds? Absolutely. Who knew Lady Gaga was so cathartic?
But while healing work can be fun, exploring the Chiron wound can be uncomfortable because of its nature. More than once I nearly burst into tears when Segal said something that was a laser to my soul. At one point she motioned her her hips and explained that our hips and midsection is where we store a lot of old family energy. Hip pain reveals that we’ve been holding onto this energy for too long. There’s Chiron in the 4th House for you.
Towards the end of the evening Segal told a story about meeting someone that she formed an instantly deep connection. She explored this connection with him in a three hour marathon hugging fest. (Hugging?? See first paragraph.) As she told the story I got a sense that she was building us up for something.
“I’m going to play a song. I want you to find a partner,” she said, “and see how long you can hug each other.”
Suddenly people were pairing off and everyone in the goddamned church had a hugging partner except for me, which in its own way is great, but really just made me feel like the last girl picked for kickball. Ugh. Chiron.
Part of me wanted to be hugged. The other part was deeply uncomfortable. Crisis!
Segal pushed the play button on the stereo and I had a vague sense of a Justin Beiber song amongst the race of my thoughts. Around me couples embraced deeply and lovingly; I stood there alone. Every issue in my life could have been summed up in that moment.
Then a nice woman named Barbara, even though she had her own hugging partner, offered me a hug with a grandma-like smile.
After an awkward yet strangely satisfying minute of hugging a total stranger, I heard her say, “You are loved.” My heart felt soothed.
When I left the church that night, I felt different. I felt exhausted. Something had definitely happened on an energetic level. And what the underlying message here is that sooner or later we’ll have to stare our core issues in the eye. Be your own healer and just make sure you do so armed with some Lady Gaga.